I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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