got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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