u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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