OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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