she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
