My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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