I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
