just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
