Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
