Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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