i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I will be naked everywhere
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
