This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Randomize
