why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
