My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
