Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
