You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
this will be a night to untag.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
