rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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