dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
