What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
