I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
