i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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