i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
