he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Let's get the cat blown out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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