Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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