I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
