**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
