I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
