If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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