I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
