Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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