I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
