so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
