omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
