He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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