? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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