It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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