Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
