You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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