i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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