when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.