I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
and you fell through a lawn chair