oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ