I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run