And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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