i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
