you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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