I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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