my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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