I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
