I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
