I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
