Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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