I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
