I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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