member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
