Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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