I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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