I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize