did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
