i think i have two assholes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
