I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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