I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
