apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
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U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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