This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
