mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
