Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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