Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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