I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
