You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
