We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
