i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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