and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you never un-have a 4some
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
