I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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