Pants 0. Shit 1.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
