my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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