Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
