sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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