Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize