i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
